It has been too long....

Goodness... I came to this blog tonight... the first time, in HOW LONG?  Gosh has it really been 3 years.?  Why do I doubt myself so much?  I always loved to write, but yet I don't do it much anymore.  I love to paint, and I still do but yet it is not regularly, and when I do it is with alot of hesitation and doubt and struggling about what I want it to look like, and will I make a mistake and why can't it be perfect?  .... This is the story of my life it seems, that I strive for perfection, in a very unperfect (hmmm. not a word???) world.  BUT yet... I don't look as if I strive for perfection... I am very unperfect... or is it imperfect?.... I like unperfect better, I think.  I feel that I always look a bit dishelveled and not put together.  I go out and see other women, and I want to look like them... if it is the gal with the faded jeans, and white blouse, yes, I like rather that style I would guess, or jeans and a nice tee, perhaps.  Maybe my white capris with a bright colored top and sandles to match.  Noooo.  That doesn't look good either.  I want to be that woman who is classic, the gold jewelry, the sweater slung over her shoulders.  Naaah.  Not me.  But she looks very chic, and so put together.  Why can't I be her?  Oh wait, that gal that is coming in with her flip flops on and shorts and a tank... very casual, her hair pulled loosely back, with very little makeup on... no way, I couldn't go out like that.  But I like that look.  Oh gosh, DO I LOOK like Thhaaat?  Really?  Or why can't I look like HER?  Oh I look in the mirror and wonder and stress, and ponder, until I have myself worked up into a tizzy, and full-fledged anxiety attack sometimes.  This is me. My ways of looking at me.  I want to look like her, no her, no her... or maybe HER!  Why can't I be satisfied with just ME???  I wonder.  I have wondered all of my Life.  Oh yes.  I have.  it has driven me crazy.... still does.  So it goes with all areas of my life... like WHY HAVEN'T I WRITTEN HERE IN MY BLOG IN THREE YEARS???  WHY haven't I done this, or that, or why do I waste so much time, why don't I volunteer, or do something important, why do I feel like my Life has no purpose.  I have two beautiful daughters, and I know they love me, and would be devastated if anything happened to me.  Wouldn't they?  And now I have 3 wonderful, fun, and sweet and beautiful GRANDchildren... they call them that because they are OH SO GRAND, indeed!  I have a husband that I wonder sometimes if he cares if I am here or not.. geez sometimes it sure seems like not. so. much.  But I care not to go into that now or here.  Maybe another time.  Anyway.... I just cannot seem to be happy with ME, or where I am, or what I do.  I have felt this way pretty much my whole life, and look how old I am now, will I continue to feel this way, I wonder til the day I die?  I have always said that I didn't want to live my life with REGRETS, but yet I feel that I will.  And THAT makes me very SAD!  :(  Okay, well, I have seen that this blogging thing does seem to be easy, if I would just do it, maybe more often, it would help me in other ways of my Life.  Hmmm. Maybe?  At least I can write down these crazy thoughts and come back and read them, and see where I was at in my journey, and when.  I will try and do that.  I will try and paint more.  I will try NOT to be so very critical of myself... now that is going to take SOME kinda work.  But. I. will. try.  ok.  I will.  And I will TRY and NOT BE soooo down on myself.  No one else seems to be, so why am I so much?  Why can't I just be carefree and live my life and enjoy my being, and not always want to be somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else.... is that it?  BUT YET... I know that if I were.... nooo.... I wouldn't be happy there or then either.  THIS is the LIFE I HAVE..... I have got to accept that... dang if I don't now then when will I?  AFTER ALL I will be 64 this year, and my time clock is tick-tocking away... day after day... and yet I waste so much of the minutes, that pass into hours, that turn into days, that go into weeks, that turn into months, that makes the YEARS GO BY!  Okay, so now I have written these thoughts down here in my BLOG.  Does it make me feel better?  I'm not real sure.  BUT I know that I DID IT!  I got these feelings out, and into words.  Maybe no one else will read them... maybe they will.  Perhaps they will help me... if not, maybe someone else... perhaps maybe even the both or us, or more.  Seeeee.... I can dawdle, I can carry it all out, I get carried away... so I just need to STOP.  Now.  And listen to what I am saying to myself.  Listen to my heart.  Start to live more.  Stop being so critical, and try to love myself a little bit more.  Maybe then I would be more productive, maybe feel I have more purpose, feel more adequate, and worthy of the love that I know I have through my family and friends.  Gosh, who knew I had all of these feelings pent all up inside that just flowed out through my finger tips??? I did.  Yes. I. Did.  I guess I jsut needed to say them out loud, by typing them out.  Whew.  I said alot in just a few minutes.  I am tired.  I am going to go to bed now... well SOON.
Goodnight.  I love you me!  I love you ME!  I love YOU ME!  If I say it enough I might start to believe it.  Goodnight again. For real. this. time.

"Thinking back on Christmases past"

 Well, despite all the excitement and commotion, and suggesting that everyone say Merry Christmas, and even saying it a few times myself.... I just cannot get into the mood, at all, this year.  This is our 1st year we have not been in our home, in Buford, where we spent many Christmases.....  decorated, inside and out, sometimes had more than one tree, and SNOWMEN filled the house, everywhere... I wrote Christmas cards, and delighted at all the ones we got, usually taping them to the door frame in the foyer into the great room, getting excited when pictures were included so we could see the kids from our friends, and loved ones, and how they had grown. There were years that I even baked cookies and made candy, and hot cocoa mix for gifts. I ran around shopping for the perfect thing for everyone (although there really is no such thing) making sure they were all wrapped to a tee, and the wrapping bags, which I later used mostly, had just the right bit of tissue poking out the top, here and there, so it would look "perfect".  In the early years when the girls were young, I did the "room mother" thing, and made cute little bells, out of teeny tiny clay pots turned upside down, hand lettering each little precious kids names on them, in gold or silver... oh if they were a little bit off, well, I just had to make another one and start again.  I also helped make goodies for those school parties, and showed up to help the other room mothers serve the kids and their teachers, when the girls were little.   As they grew older, I ran all over the place making sure I had enough, of "just the right thing" to go into their stockings for each of them, as that seemed to be one of the gifts they enjoyed the best!  I threatened not to keep doing it, but they balked, so I kept on, and on... and that makes me happy.  We always had dinner at our house, either in Duluth, or Buford, so I cooked a big dinner, everyone brought something, and we all ate together, sometimes including other family and friends to join us.  One of my favorite things to do, almost everyday, was just sit and look at our Christmas tree...with the lights, twinkling, the collection of ornaments, that were hung every year.  We even had 3 of the 4 gold plastic angels that hung on our very first little tree at Myrtle Beach. The years brought on bigger trees, and more ornaments... filled with memories, and I would go around looking and remembering at each one of them, making sure they were in just the right spot, adjusting where needed. 

We have a tiny little tree here, with one little string of 20 lights, a few tiny sand dollars, and some bows tied on the limbs.  It is right cute, but we have not gotten it out.  No wreaths are hung.... no cards have either been sent or received.  (E-mail, or fb seems to be the preferred choice of communication these days, so sadly less people send them anymore.)  

Anyway, that is how my season this Christmas has been going... kind of in a fog, thinking back to the Christmases past, and longing for those days, in a way again.  But I know we cannot go back, so we will continue going forward.... Thank goodness for the memories and all the pictures that we took... Maybe I will look for the ones of our latest Christmases, in our home, and maybe that will help get me in the mood.  And..... maybe I can get Mr. T. to pull that little tiny tree outta the closet, and set it on the table and plug it in too! Just a few little lights, but they might help my spirit glow......

Realizing that none of those things that I aforementioned makes Christmas, or what it is truly all about, as I know that Christmas really is, or should be, a time of celebrating the Birth of our Christ. 
I need to get real quiet and think about that, and maybe that will help me get the REAL spirit of Christmas back in my heart..... 

THINGS I STILL WANT TO DO....

Good Mornin' y'all! .... Ain't God good?  Well, HE surely is!  He certainly has been to ME quite a bit lately.... He's been listening very well, to my prayers, and the prayers of others said on my behalf, and is blessing me in so many, many ways.... through Friends, I've never met, and an openness to some strangers along my way these past few weeks.  In these times, I know it is not safe to hardly look at another person that ya don't know, but sometimes that is just what God wants us to do....to give them a smile, or hold open a door for them, or praise the one who has on a WWII hat... and thank him for his service.  In sooooo many ways, God has been speaking to me quite a bit lately. And through his non-words I am getting His messages.  I am beginning to let go, and let GOD, as the saying says.  I know that this is not happening alone, as I know that I have others praying for me, and lifting me up to the Lord, and asking for His hand to be upon me, to show me the things HE wants me to know... I am getting the feed-back from the Lord, loud and clearly for a change!  Maybe because I am reeeeally LISTENING this time?  I don' t know, possibly, but I am not going to OVER-THINK it either, just continue to stay "in tune", keeping my "channels" clear, so there won't be static in the way that I have to try and decipher through.  Nothing worse than a radio station that you can hear a little bit, but because of the static, you cannot get it to tune in very clearly... y'all know what I mean... I know ya do. Well, I am relating this feeling I have been getting lately from the Lord, in that same way..... but I plan to keep my channels open and tuned in!  Sometimes I think about my age, and all of the things that I wish I HAD done, and think gosh, now I'm too old, or maybe it is too late, to make a new beginning, or to try something new.... and then I stop myself, and have to remind myself, it is never too late, until it IS TOO LATE!  ...... You know what that means, so I won't spell that out.  I hope and I pray that I have quite a few more days on this Earth, but I do not know how many there are, but God knows... and HE knows what I still have in my heart's desire to do yet.  I am sooooooooooooo (and then some) THANKFUL.... that HE has once again opened up this door of WRITING back to me, and helped me to see, that although I don't have a perfect "place" to do my PAINTING, that lo and behold, I CAN also do that... just by being a bit inventive, and thinking outside of the box....and willing to be able to do these things in SPITE OF, not having the "room" to do them.... but hey.... I am here, I have a roof over me, and I have all the supplies I need, so HE just said to me the other day.... GO FOR IT LYNN!  Make it happen!  HE was probably telling me.... you can, IF you don't look at the "obstacles"!   So I didn't really even THINK of those obstacles, when I threw that old towel and new rubber bath mat onto a side of the bed!  Then went into my various Bins and Boxes, and started pulling things out that I would need to get started... amazed at ALL THE STUFF I have... been just saving it up for the RIGHT PLACE!  Humph... never will I have a RIGHT PLACE, but I have made me a spot... and gotten a start... and am GUNG-HO to keep on the roll that I feel I am on. Keeping in mind that certainly not by myself, have I been able to do any of this.... in fact this writing here on my "BLOG" was reeeally encouraged to me by my dear friend, whom I dearly call "Glory"... because she IS a GLORY to ME!  Sooo here I am now, writing my words, probably rambling on and on, about this or that, and not worrying about the "correctness" of it much, so I can just get the words out and typed.  IF at any time, none of it makes sense, or it's too much for ya.... you can stop reading, and I'll never know!  Unless you choose to tell me that is, and that's ok too, if you have any constructing criticism for me... I'll take it!  But... back to the subject...  I have begun WRITING again, thanks to Glory and to God, of course as well!  And.... THEN.... wowie zowie, I got out my paints and stuff and made my own little "Bed Studio" and began to paint.... I have some wonderful ideas in my head, and now that is about all I want to do.... Soooo that being said, I guess I need to quit writing right now, so that I can get up and get to painting again.... I am hoping that through some of my creations, a Life may be touched, someone might feel some encouragement, or Peace.... I have lots of ideas to invoke these things, hopefully, into my painting...  I feel that I don't want to JUST paint, but that I can make a DIFFERENCE possibly, with WHAT I paint, and HOW it is presented.  I will be working on it, and I will be writing about the progresses from time to time...... Ahhhh yes, two of the most favorite things I have always liked to do, but never done enough of it, as I wish I had... WRITING and PAINTING....  soooo no holds barred, watch out y'all, I am going to head out full steam and see what God can work in me, through me, so that I can give HIM back all of the praise and glory HE deserves.... let's see what  happens.... Y'all ready to come along with me.....????  Let's GO!  ~LBD  

THE BLESSINGS LIST...

Good mornin' y'all.... Today I would like to make a Blessings List.  Last night at our church meeting our pastor was talking to us about the committment we should be willing to make to our church and therefore to the Lord.  He reitereated that after ALL that HE has done for us, should we not be willing to give up, just a very few hours in proportion, of our week, back to HIM?  Hmmmm..... well, now there is a thought!  AND.... our pastor also made us think about this.... that by being a Church Member we are a part of a "team" if you will.  He compared it with being a player on a football team, and how if one of those players are missing how much impact it has on the team as a WHOLE.   Hmmmm.....ya know, he had a point there.  How can I not, give him back ohhhh, what.... approximately only 3 hours a week, when HE has given so much MORE to me.... ALL of my LIFE.... for instance?  Wow.  compare that .... CAN YOU?  3 hours.... an entire LIFE?  Okay, so I totally get that perspective.  Loud and clear!~  Now, Pastor Ron wasn't saying all of this to make us feel bad, if we are not in "our places", at church when we should be, but to help us to see that not only are we being a team player, but we are not there to receive the MANY BLESSINGS THAT GOD HAS FOR US DURING THOSE TIMES.  Reeeally?  Well, right then, I thought back to the times when I wasn't in my place there, meaning that I stayed home from church, for one reason or another.... and my sweet friend, Dottie, would always send me a text (or fb message, or call, whatever) and say those SAME WORDS to me... You missed your blessings.... I'm sorry you couldn't be there, because you missed your blessings!  WELL.... wonder what those blessings were?  Hmmmm..... I will never know because I was not there, to receive them.  I wasn't in my place, at my church, being a PART of that church family, holding up MY end of  "the rope".  Hmmmm.....  Now when putting it that way... I have to ask myself, why wouldn't I want to receive any of God's blessings?  Life is really waaaay to short to miss even ONE of those.  Yes it is!   

Soooo.... I come back to The Blessings List... that another friend, asked all of her friends on fb this morning, to make!  Think of all the many things that you feel God has BLESSED YOU WITH, and write them down!  I am going to.  But felt the need and desire to share these words here with you before I go to do that.  BECAUSE believe it or not, I am feeling like a blessing myself....  Really?  Did I just say that?  THAT I CAN BE A BLESSING???   Well, why not?  THAT is exactly what God would want me (or you, or you, or YOU!) to be to those along Life's way we meet.  

Yes, I will write that list, but before I WRITE THE THINGS I AM BLESSED WITH..... let me see if  I CAN WRITE THE WAYS IN WHICH I CAN BE A BLESSING..... Hmmmm..... now THERE really is a thought, huh?  Yes, I have accepted God, in my heart, a long time ago, and now not so long ago, I have joined this church, of whom I wanted to be a part of, but yet how can I be a blessing, if I am not there, at that church, whenever the doors are open, to receive the BLESSINGS GOD HAS FOR ME????   I figure if I am to BE a Blessing, I need to GET FILLED UP with the Blessings God has in store for me.   

Hmmmm....it all seems to go hand in hand, and comes back around full circle, when you think about it.  So, this morning, before I get to writing my own BLESSINGS LIST, (because I know in my heart really by now, what they are, and I could be here all day writing that list!).... maybe, just maybe it is TIME for me to make a Blessings List, of ways that I CAN BE A BLESSING!  I really think that that is what GOD is asking of me today.... He is saying, maybe... "Now Lynn, my dear, you KNOW all of the things I have done for you, you REMEMBER all of the times that I was THERE for you, and you surely can THINK of ways now, that YOU can be a BLESSING.  Don't you?  Soooo I think for you today, my dear Lynn, it is time for you to make a list that shows ways that YOU CAN give back, and BE a blessing." ..... Hmmmm.... now THERE is a thought!  
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Dear Heavenly Father.....Thank you Lord for helping me to realize this morning, that my Blessings List is long, and plentiful, and help me to remember that without YOU, I would be nothing.  BUT WITH YOU, I can be ALOT of things.... things that would bring joy to me, to my family and friends, and also a BLESSING to SOMEONE else... in some way!  So Lord, I will concentrate on that today... and I pray YOU will show me the ways, and help me to break out of my comfort zone, if need be, to do just that!  Help me Oh Lord, to focus not on the things that need to be done around here, with these boxes or this STUFF, but to realize that TIME is short, and I need to use the Blessings you have given me, in order that I might be able to share them with others, in some way.  That is my prayer this morning, Lord.  And I want to THANK YOU for the people you have put into my path at this time of my life, that have been a blessing to me, in order to help me see that me, little 'ole me, can  DO SOMETHING, to give back to YOU!  Thank you Jesus, and I thank you for loving me and forgiving me of all of my sins, and giving me of your bountiful GRACE daily.  In Jesus holy name.  ~Amen. 

THE PARADOX OF OUR TIME.

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,
but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and
smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more
problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,
but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but
accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more
computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we
communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but
broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway
morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything
from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the
showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can
bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share
this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not
going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks
up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave
your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the
only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most
of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from
deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might
not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to
share the precious thoughts in your mind.”

― Bob Moorehead

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That was the prelude to the sermon that Brother Ron had for us today, this Sunday, August 11, 2013.  The title of this sermon was "Getting Your Mind Right" (1Peter 1:13-16)    Apart from God, we are nothing, apart from God, nothing much matters.  

The Need for Sleep

Very sleepy-eyed, 
tired body,
so give out.

As I feel the need
for sleep, 
I fight it 
even still.

Why won't I let it 
take me, 
far beyond 
the clouds, 
where the shrouds
disappear
and I never have to fear.

Sleep to me never 
comes easy, 
and when it does
I fight it. 

okay, I give.
Goodnight. Goodmornin'. 
whatever time it is. 
Sleep... I'm here!

Good mornin' y'all....

"Good mornin' y'all"... my first words on fb nearly everyday....  

Followed by a bit of friendly advice, or something someone else has shared.  A picture, some lines of scripture, or a thought or two. Some words to hopefully encourage me or you, and hopefully make our days a little bit brighter.  When I type those words, on my facebook page, I try to put a smile on my face, and make my spirit light and sunny, and hope that I never come off sounding fake, but I don't mind if I do sound funny.  Funny and crazy is what I like to be.  To make people laugh, even if it makes sometimes a fool of me.... what the heck, it is okay, as long as it makes for you, a happier, light-hearted day.

We all have struggles in our lives, and we carry burdens that are very heavy at times, but why do we need to share those with EVERYone?  We really don't.  People like to hear about, and read about, good times, and upbeat, positive things. Of course sometimes they like to know that they (all of us) are not the only ones with troubles, and woes, and for those times, we can let them know they are not alone, though, still in a positive way.  However, in my opinion, our innermost, most personal feelings really are not to be put on a page, that has our name on the top of it, for all of the WORLD (so to speak) to see. Reeeally?  Do you think?  Noooo, I don't, anyhow... that is what we have our closest friends for, those within our innermost inner circle... they DO WANT to know, but even they do not want to feel totally stressed, or over-burdened, by our troubles, and neither do we, with theirs.  

Just sayin' here, I guess... I really don't want to put all of my worst on my fb page (nor do I like to read it on other's) ... I feel it should be a place for a GOOD STORY, maybe a funny joke, or a happy- tear-filled moment, that can touch the hearts of many.  Not a place to air our dirty laundry, for sure, or a place to have a dispute!  We really all are alot alike, though we are so very different and unique. That is truly what makes the world go 'round.... God made us that way for a reason.  Soooo.... let's try to share the goooood stuff, on the "face of our book"... Smile, and be grateful, let others know what we feel, what we have to be thankful for, share a picture of the clouds, or a rainbow, or maybe your sweet fur baby, or (GRAND)child, but keep it light y'all... encourage, uplift, give hope, share faith, bring joy.... thank God, and tell all of those who you love that you do, many times..... it's even okay to get a little sappy once in awhile... it will make your skin tingle, in a good way!  Be brave to share a story where you were touched by an angel, if you want... even Maxine will not mind if you post and re-post her, but just be careful with your words out there.... if they are not good words, they can hurt and bruise someone else, and you may never even know it.  Or you might know it, because it could result in the loss of a friendship, or other relationship!  As most of us have heard growing up, "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all."... well, that is a good practice to not only live by, but "facebook" by.

You can never be sure how another will "take" the words you write, because words read on a page will never have the infliction that they will when you say them with your voice.... you can only 'hope' that the other one reading your words understands how you mean them, and sometimes they still don't when you try to explain yourself.  Sometimes it might be too late.... you can say I'm sorry, but you can never take back words after they come out, either spoken or written.

So "Good mornin' y'all" ... and just take this little bit of advice, from one who knows... be careful what you "say"--- and have yourself a happy, happy day.  :)   Blessings, <3 ~me